it’s funny … it’s weird … today i was so pissed off and upset but i remembered that CD. so then i turned it on and well … i was listenin to those old skool songs! aaaaarrrrggggg … my feeling was so good … my brain is so tired, as well as my heart. maybe i just need a time to be alone again. i had to meet many friends to catch up, its been a while! but … i cant go out like this … with this face, with these feelings … i dont know … for all my mates (if you read this), sorry for these days … i just feelin no good … too many problems were coming all of sudden.
anyways, i was drinkin alcohol last nite … arg .. went to da club last nite. after all .. haha .. i think my skin is kinda swelling now and very red .. YES, ALERGIC!! it happens .. and its so itchy. if i drink alcohol too much, it goes like this. nice, isnt it?
havent ate whole day, only ate a bit muffin .. i dont feel like eating … it’s ok, i’m not trying to kill myself though.
these days … these years … have been so tough for me … so tough … hey! it’s ok!! i’m cheering up myself 
haha … so many things i wanna write … but i dont know where to start .. it’s really hard …
i’m still looking for myself .. my own identity … i think i lost it … ya, i found it at the end of this year til beginning of this year … i was so glad!! because i left everything behind … including love life … mannnnnn … trust me, i moved on! hey, i’m talking about 7! ma old skool mate!! lolz … all of sudden, he called me today just to say hello … oh my god!! during all these years, we’ve been good friends and thats it. nothing more … because like my promise … a few months before my graduation, i had to let him go and i did ….. here i am … another chapter of new life … as well as love life …
but sometimes i dont understand about god … in this kind of situation he just can show up like a shit .. trust me … i dont know what to do … please help!! even though one day he comes up and says it boldly, i only can say, "mate, it’s too late!! i moved on!!! sorry to say this!!! but i did move on!!".
i closed that chapter! including those books which i wrote a lot about him. but yes, one of em, i still kept it .. it is my art book and i cant throw it away .. it is my art book during my uni days. i drew things there … i wrote things there … yesterday, accidentally, i opened that book again and i couldnt believe what i wrote there .. so stupid!! but i guess, GOD knows more than me … better than me!! we’re meant to be as friends .. thats it!! and … of course i moved on!!
i wanna go back to myself … who used to be very easy goin, happy and nothings on ma mind … with those heaps plans in ma life … i wasted a year already … i’m still waiting for that day to come and i’ll do as my plan … aaaarrrrgggg!! i’m not happy actualli … i feel like i cant chase my plans anymore but yeah, i know i’m gonna chase em back but .. takes time again ….
hey man, cheer up, work hard … like you used to … i think i need to build everything back again esp. my life. it’s so messy … i need a target to stand up and come back again … ok, gimme sometimes … i’ll try it … ok, dateline around december 2005. trust me!!! cuz last time i did keep my promise!!
holidays … i realli wanna spend time with him … i do … actualli, i really wanna go to melbourne show with him. coz it was my plan … but well, its ok!! i just miss my elmo!! hahaha … maybe next year …. if i’m still with him :):)
whats wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeeee …… i wonder … i’m ok!! i bursted too much tears these months … i’m so tired … i think i’m crazy!! loving someone this much more than myself .. insaneeeeeeeeeeee … never been like this anymore. i wonder …. sigh … krazy mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!! never love someone this much … i cant even describe how much it is … oh my god!! what happened to me? GOD, what did u do to me? Cupid, what happened? i dont understand. but oh well .. he completes meeeeeeee …
do you remember my junior high skool days?? mmm … i used to think that i wanted this kind of guy, that type of guy and bla bla bla … oh well … i found him, exactly like i wanted … it’s so weird … i believe, GOD has tonz of plans to me. i believe, dont look for love. when it comes, it will come to you. i believe it now. i believe in fate, destiny or whatever you name it … now .. i do believe, all of them … crazy but it’s true … i believe love is blind!! gosh!!
arg… bullshiet … never mind …. writing like this makes me happy … i can let it out … nobody cares, and this thingy cant even yell at me or talk to me or understand what i’m writing here … all it can do is listening in silence …
i used to have a fave phrase, "tomorrow is another day" … well, i think i lost it for ages .. oh well, tomorrow is another day .. so then, as i said, i will slowly change my life a bit, be a better person again cuz i was fell down too low until i couldnt even lift myself up … but yes, i will try .. dont worry … i wont die!
look at meeeeee … i used to like to be alone …. i do everything by myself … never ask help … because i know i can do it … INDIVIDUALISM!! lolz .. ok, i’m back baby!! hahahahhahaa .. i dont even cry at the momemt .. half way i’m ready … just waiting for the right moment to stand up again …
hey mate, i think i should stop here ….tomorrow is another day … and now its time to sleep peacefully … BECAUSE TOMORROW, I GOT TONZ THINGS TO DO!! tomorrow, i’ll get up early and planning, do things that i wanted to do … ok? ok? hahahahahhaa …. i hope since tomorrow and next next next year, i’ll be like this …
its like curing a broken heart though …
i’ll ask him to treat me :P:P