LINZ SAID SO!!!

….. MY EVOLUTION …..
The Natural Process of becoming Greater than You are Mentally and Spritually, Simply by Living and It is the act of positive change, growth and maturity!!! -Shawn Stockman & Nathan Morris-

4: "9-CLOUD-13" dude (REST IN PEACE)
We were partner in crime-we bonded, as same as Bad Boys 4 Life plus B&C. We cried, laughed, smiled 2gether. We rode 2gether and we did everythin together even da kraziest ones. I miss those days!!! For God sake’s, I miss you, dude! I do!! it’s been a while … its been ages … its been like yesterday … its been like thousand years … its been so long …

I thought life was over and out, my heart was hard to breathe. Stayed at home n didnt wanna go out. Everything that reminds me of you would make me break right down and cry. But now I’m a different person and I’m just missing you so much it hurts! I’m sure youre happy there coz I know you dont want me 2b sad! Thank you for guiding me …

I’ll always remember those krazee old skool days! CAMPING days for 1 week in ma house-doin nuts things n mucking around: booze, drunk, dance, turned on our fav songs, sang along, jumpd here n there, food party, movies, crazy pix, bein punkers n owls and bats, etc. I wanna have those days back again!

As same as P.Diddy says to Notorious B.I.G and thats how I feel 2U:

"Not a second passes that you’re not on my mind. I miss you so much. I still cant believe you’re gone. Life is so crazy. I would do anything to turn back the hands of time and bring you back. You were the greatest, you’ll always be the greatest. I know you’re at peace n definetely in a better place but I still miss you truly. Thank you for always being ma side. You were the gift from GOD and I thank HIM everyday for bringing you into my life. I love you"

"9-CLOUD-13"
P/S: I’m doing fine here, living, eating, sleeping and breathing so well. Sometimes I do cry when I think about you. But you see .. P.Diddy is keep on moving forward and so do I. Dont you happy when you see me like this out there? Thank you for givin me so much, thank you for teachin me so much and I learnt a lot! I know days wont be the same anymore without you by my side. But you know .. I’m a strong n tough person. I know I’m gonna be alright. I would, I would, I would do anythin to turn back the hands of time just 2CU 4 da last time! I pray to God Heaven Above every single nite since the day youre gone. If I could, I would take one last ride with you before you were really gone! You’ll always in my heart forever!

I have done everything you asked me 2 do 4 the last time. I did and here I am! -Mission Completed- Miss you tonz, "9"! No 1 can replace you even "7" or "8" … Thank you 4 makin me this strong n tough =)

from the deepest of my heart i just wanna say this for the last time for god sake’s!!! this is the truth and you must know it…. from the button of my heart, here it is …

dear blue…

gue kangen ama eloooooooooooooooo … uda 2 bulan lebih … tp gue kaena masih sama kae dolo, gak pernah berubah. andaikan elo tuh gak megang ego elo terlalu tinggi … andai gue gak gitu … andai elo gak kae geto … andai kita gak dengerin kata2 org … andaikan semuanya gak terjadi … mungkin skrg kita bakalan hepi … mungkin kita bakalan lakuin byk hal mpe thn2 mendatang … tp sayangnya … kadang apa yg kita pengen itu gak slalu terwujud. cuman tuhan yang tau semua … mungkin kita ajah yg gak bisa mikir secara dewasa … tapi atu hal yg gue tau … gue mao pun elo udah capek ama beban yg ada. mungkin elo happy skrg … mungkin elo engga .. gue gak tau .. gue? gue yah gini2 ajah … gue happy kog dengan semua kenyataan yg ada … yah kadank2 terus terang, gue gak gitu hepi. tapi gue gak mau nengok ke belakang trus, gak worthy bgt. buktinya gue terus maju kog mpe ke taon depan … cepet yah bentar lagi udah mau ganti taon? gak nyangka deh … mestinya gue en elo ngerayain natalan n taon baru bareng2. mestinya kita bakalan travel bareng2 keluar negri … mestinya kita ngejalanin semua plans kita. gue udeh maafin elo dr jaoh2 ari … gue udeh lepasin semua belenggu yang ada. krn gue juga udah gak gitu peduli lagi. buat apa kita boongin kata hati kita sendiri? bukannya ini yang kita mau dr dulu? semuanya udah terwujud … bukannya ini semua dr dulu cuman sebuah permainan? kita cuman manusia yg sepertinya berjudi dengan hidup kita sendiri. bukannya dgn adanya kejadian ini, kita bisa belajar dr kesalahan kita masing2? buat apa elo nyari2 gue lagi? toh semuanya bakalan tetap berakhir dengan sama? udah terlalu byk setan yg berkeliaran di sekitar kita dr dulu dan gue tauk, kita udah termakan ama itu semua, kita ikutin cara2 setan2 dan segala macemnya mpe akhirnya kita begini. gue emang dendem ama elo dulu, tp skrg udah engga. krn gue udeh lepasin semua … gue juga gak nyesel semua ini terjadi krn gue tau gue bisa hidup dengan lebih baik lagi dan gue tau tuhan maseh ngejaga gue, mase ngeliatin gue slama ini. tuhan tau apa yg terbaik buat gue. dan beginilah yang terbaik untuk gue. gue gak brasa salah ato pun nyesel … krn gue bae2 ajah … gue masih bisa ngejalanin idup gue dengan baik, tersenyum n tertawa ceria plus nikmatin hidup gue. thanks bgt krn elo udah ngejalanin semuanya dengan baik meskipun ujung2nya kae geto. tapi skrg gue udah bisa tertawa lepas dan gak ada beban sama skaleeee … kadank gue pengen ketawa kalo inget2 yg dulu .. begonya gueeeeeee … bener kata guru gue, suatu saat elo bakalan ngetawain semua yg udah pernah elo alamin. gue sekarang udah bisa buktiin kata2 guru gue. gue seneng. gue gak hidup dlm kesengsaraan … krn skrg udah ada seseorang yg baru lagi ngejagain gue dgn baik. bukannya itu namanya tuhan maseh ngejaga gue n mase ngeliatin gue dr atas gue ngapain ajah? hidup gue sekarang udah gak ada drama lagi dan gue gak perlu acting seperti di drama2 ato film2. krn gue skrg udah hidup di dunia yg sebenernya, reality. gue seneng, gue udeh keluar dari segala macem dunia yg dulu gue pikir gue gak bisa keluar sama skale krn elo. krn gue berada di lingkaran itu2 ajah dan gue sampe gak tauk sapa diri gue lagi. gue udeh berjuang cukup lama dan saat itu lah .. waktu itu lah .. gue akhirnya nyerah. elo kan tau gue .. gue gak orgnya gak gampang nyerah, kl bisa gue perjuangin bakalan gue perjuangin. tp mo mpe kapan gue terus berjuang kalo misalnya hasilnya sama ajah? bukannya lebih baik gue lepas … bukannya itu yg bakalan jd yg terbaik? terima kasih udah jagain gue dengan baik waktu dulu … dulu gue hepi … tp skrg gue lebih hepi lagi. i’m not perfect, im just a human and i make mistakes and so everyone is. who doesnt? tapi kadank klo gue mikir, elo itu tuh terlalu egois n cuman mikirin diri elo sendiri. elo slalu mikir diri elo itu sempurna, elo itu sombong, elo itu slalu mikir elo itu yg terhebat di dunia. gue arep elo sadar suatu saat sadar kalo sebenernya masih ada yg jauh lebih hebat drpd elo di dunia ini. elo mikir elo gak pernah bikin kesalahan n segala macem pikiran egois elo… percaya ama gue … one day you’re gonna see it .. how true what i said to you during all those times … remember it!! take my word, simpen kata2 gue .. inget kata2 gue … gue mo liat seberapa elo survive dengan ke-egoisan elo!!! gue udah maafin elo jaoh2 ari… udah dr dulu … seperti yg gue bilang, chance wont come twice!! no matter how hard you try, it wont be the same again!!!

these days im so exhausted .. very very .. esp. ma eyes (including ma head)!!! i read too much even until 4-5am in da morning!! hahhahaa… i sleep n wake up .. daily life … today i didnt go out … too hot n sunny!! and now im with ma air con!!! i watched music channels too much!! i think i was so dying … even FRIENDS series … how funny joey, chandler and ross plus rachel! hahaa .. and phoebe’s smillie cat which i used to sing it all the time. hahaha .. flashing all ma good memories! i was there wit ma TV when da first season started! haha … how old i was? maybe 14 …

im very very very into fall out boy!! lolz .. and i was digging old skool songs!! those songs flashed all ma good memories … yeah, somehow it pitched a few bad memories. but after all … haha .. i always smile n laugh about it. i really cherish every moment i spent wiv those ppl in da past.

im so into a song called GRAND THEFT AUTUMN (WHERE IS THE BOY?) by Fall Out Boy but acoustic version!! yeah, i know am krazee to punk or whatever music but i always love acoustic ones! but i just never remember about it, i can say maybe i erased everything in da past. i erased em too much out from ma life and for sure, i dont remember all of em. maybe sometimes i try to hard to remember those memories until i find myself with a stupid headache(ok, i might so a lil bit brain damage BUT NEVER HAVE ANY BRAIN DAMAGE IN MA WHOLE LIFE before). ok, am not ashton kutcher who was starring the butterfly effects! lolz … but for songs, i still remember all of them and i cant erase the lyrics from ma head which has already stuck in ma brain for all these years.

i miss my past time … but i know i cant go back and all i have to do is moving forward! take em as a lesson, experiences, learn from failures. but if i have just one more chance, i’d like to go back just one time to certain precious times. because i wanna remember it again and keep it in a piece of ma brain layer.

but i thanked god every single day for giving me this life and giving me a lot of lesson that other ppl dont have. i know im on the right path of my life. sometimes you have to sacrifice much to earn or get what you want. but i’m happy with it because i know god is still watching me over there. letting go or not gettin something precious will lead yourself into a cliff, you fall into the lowest part of your life. but … why would i do that? i still have my life and god gives it to me, why would i waste it? dont you think it is much more better if you try to be a better person, learn from your mistakes and do what you wanna do. why would i remorse everything in the past? if you never make any mistakes, when will you grow up? when will you learn? dont you think life is too short if you think too hard about your life? god gives you this life, you should enjoy it as much as you can. everyone has a down time, happy time, sad time, cry time, smile time, laugh time, everyone has their own problems, everyone is busy, everyone is this n that … why would you complain? why would you mumble? why would you grumble? after all, at the end … it’s all about you again, yourself!!!!

PS: i have already forgiven you, indeed.

i tried to copy what they did on the cafe .. the menu .. wakkakakaa
i went to this nice cafe in brunswick st … haha …
i had kinda breakie-lunch menu before …

its easy .. i just made one … toasted breads, mushroom (cooked with shallots and pounded chilli plus butter), poached eggs
oh well, i added fettuccine a bit and chips.. wakakakkaa .. damn nice ….
wakakkakaa.. and heinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ketchup… oh my good!!

honestly, i can cook .. but am just too damn lazy!!

ok ok .. where should i start? i think my 6th is keep on bugging me these days esp this morning. honestly, maybe i blocked this gift before … but every time i have problems, it gives me a something to see so i know what am gonna do to solve it.

ok, this gift is so different with my previous one, this is another one. i think this new one has been opening ages ago but i neva realized it. i thought everything was just a coincidence. but oh well .. i dont think so …

i think i can predict for everything 2 weeks ahead before it happens. at first, i neglected about it .. it comes thru ma dreams but here is the problem, since i was young until now i have a problem remembering dreams only a few, thats why i have to write down things before i go back to sleep again because there will be another dream. ok, hard to explain but thats it … but about this gift, i remember all those dreams

i’m not a medium or whatever .. it jus happens … ok, some ppl believe that dreams are blah blah blah .. beyond yourself .. n blah blah blah … i hate when ppl telling me this. i cant be bothered telling me ppl about this. lazy. they will response the same thing.

unfortunetely, this thing only happens when i cant really find the answer. it will come to my dreams. remember when i dreamt 5 days in a row? oh mannn … it happens! before i was dreamin sort of thing and it happens. and now? this one? i dunno .. we’ll see …

sometimes it comes a few days before….

i thought oh well, just bullshiet .. just dreams …

oh yeah, my dad has this kind of gift but different to mine, i know somehow it goes to me, but not really. i can see what my dad cant see and the opposite way. no wonder … no wonder … since i was a kid til now im really interested in new age thingy. every time i go to book store, the only thing im interested in is about new age. oh my god!!! i just realized it. no wonder when i was a kid, i love studying about stars and everything about horoscope, dreams, tarot, magic, astrology, palm reading, ghosts, spirits, etc. oh god .. why am i so stupid and never realized it until today?

i never liked it .. i never liked this gift … thats why i tried hard to block it. but now .. i wont!! unfortunetely, i never "polished" this gift. i asked ma dad to teach me but he doesnt want!!

when i go back, i’ll force him to teach me!! wakakkaaa .. however, my dad gives me a guardian to help me since 2 months ago. he didnt tell me until last week. no wonder … no wonder … no wonder … without realizing it, im kinda … aaarrrrgggggg how to explain .. never mind ….

PS: i asked my dad twice if his guardian comes to my dreams to tell me things, but he said NO!!! oh well.. who is it? who is my guardian!!! cuz i closed my other gift already so i cant communicate, see and hear spirits… arg!!! so i cant see anything or even hear .. no wonder, then it comes to my dreams!!

anyways, forget about it if u dun understand about this kinda thingy… wakkaa only me who understands it!! its not a weirdo!

gtg … boxing day .. doh doh ….

I WANNA WATCH THAT MOVIE ….

JUST LIKE HEAVENNNNNNNNNNNNNN

AAAAARRRRRGGGGG ….

wink wink .. i cooked pastaaaaaaaaaaa diz afternoon … fettuccine!! puahahhahahahaa.. and 2moro fried chickens! hohohohohoho…. i luv cooking!!! wakakkakakakaa .. whatever!!

i went to meb cent and coles plus borders!! finally i got money to buy 2 of fav books which i really wanted it since ages ago. it was so peak!!! lolz .. everywhereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ….

spent almost whole day for ma books even now almost 3am

aaaaaaaarrrrrgggggggggggg …..

billie joe is so cool!! damn … cant take ma eyes of him!! puahahhahahaa…  its been a while .. wakkakaakakaa… since i forgot about my music thingy for ages already cuz been too busy with ma skool!!!

ah rese abessssssssssssssssssssssss tuh org!! baseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee … im gone im gone .. coz its so pathetic!!!! baseeeeeeeeeeeee …. jayussssssss … norakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk … whatever … whatever … whatever … oh mannnnnnnnnnnnn … cant believe u ruined ma day again!! its me or its u? lolz … whatever … whatever … hell yeah, 2moro hav to go out … observing ppl .. wakakkakakakkakakakakaa……

base abessssssss … stop here!!!

doh doh …. bener gak siy kata org itu kl dia kae geto… haha .. maybe .. duluuuuuuuuuuuuu … sebenernye gue ngerasa kalo misi dlm idup gue udah complete en gue udah cukup hepi dgn keadaan idup gue … but after all .. i lost it and now yg ada misi gue itu jd balik ke semula, alias kaga complete lagi …

i know god is always watching me … always helpin me thru da days ..  tapi yah gitu deh! wakakkakaa… tauk ah gelep .. tauk gue nulis apaan .. bleh!

i slept so early last nite, 9pm and woke up about 5am
and was listening to green day for hours until 12.30ish
yeah watched green day dvds
lolz .. was takin a nap til richie dude called me …
talk talk talk ..
mmm … then what? i was watching tv .. wakkakaaa i let him know about coldplay and gorillaz .. wakakkakakaa .. he phoned me n screamed on da phone .. wakakkakakaa … well, i did, too!! ok, we are crazy!! hahahahaa.. whatever …

gorillaz got new single and video, dirty harry .. wakakkakaa ….
funny wkakakaaa