LINZ SAID SO!!!

i’m a zombie now!!! help!!! zombieeeeee … im a vampire now!!! noooooooooo … ok, im back to ma habit again!! a vampireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee??? but i just wanna change my sleeping pattern or else im gonna be crazy soon!!! thats not including my jetleg later on … but oh well …

11 days to gooooooo …….. I MISS RAY!! I MISS KHEI!! I MISS JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I MISS RYUUUU!!! I MISS J!!! I MISS ALL MA MATESSSSSSSS, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! I CANT WAIT TO C U ALL!!! SLURPS!!! UNFORTUNETELY THIS TIME WITHOUT MA MOECHIEEEEEEEEEEEE as planned as before!! well ..

im tryin to listen to classical … well not really … just music with piano, cello and guitar instruments so i can sleep like a baby!! yeah, my vampire habit comes out again!!!

i mite turn into a zombie soon!! trust me!! lolz .. i was watching dawson’s creek marathon!! and thats not funny! hahahahhaa…. i missed tonz of episodes of it. i think ages ago i was only watching 1st season (when i was at high skool but now im old!! wakkakakaa)!! wakakkakaa… hohohoho… slurps .. how happy i am to see pacey n joey got together!! wakakakkaa.. thats the 3rd season!! wink wink wink! …

and all of sudden alan luo zhi xiang was banging ma windows media player .. wakkakaaa .. honestly, ive never remember this song though. its been a while .. or maybe 3 years ago… after all, i just realized that the lyric is very sad!! let’s say my mandarin is very crap but i still understand … it says, "ni zhe yi nian ni hai hao ma? zuo dan xin ni de na ge wo .. dao di wei shen me zhe yi miao wo ku le!!!" thats not cool!!!!!! again, it says, " wo dao ti zai deng shen me?" hohohoho … ive never paid attention to the lyric back then!! hehehee… ok, my pinyin is very bad …
but heres the lyric … ouch!!

Ting qing qing cang le yi shou ge
Shi she me xuan lu you rang wo xiang qi ni
Ni duo mo bing leng de zui cun
Ni jue ding zhen de yao fang shou
Mei yi ge ye hao chang lu zou bu wan
He ni qu guo de di fang
Duo mo leng de ye wo xi guan zhe yang de shen huo

* Ni zhe yi nian hai hao ma
Zhong shi dan xin ni de na ge wo
Dao di wei she me zhe yi miao wo ku le
Wu fa duo kan ni de bei ying

Kan zhe yi mu pian ke huang hun
She me ji yi rang ni hui tou
Ye shen ren jing shi hou wo dou nan guo
Mei you ni de shen bian pei wo
Duo mo leng de ye mei you ren dou liu zai jie tou

Dou yi jing shi qu suo you
Na xian zai de wo hai zai deng she me
Yi ge ren ji nian ting zhe ni zhui ai de ge
Wo zhi nen zai ni de dian hua li liu yan

Wo dao di zai deng she me
Zhong shi dan xin ni de na ge wo
Dao di wei she me zhe yi miao wo ku le
Ai ni de ku zhong mei you rang ni kuai le
Wei le yi zhong gan jue ting liu

 

then all of sudden i remember this song!! old skool song .. i used to love this song but then again.. i still love this song !!!

this is the lyric and translation!!! wakakkaaa.. I LOVE THIS SONG MANNNNN .. FOREVER

Qing Fei Da Yi
Nan yi wang ji chu ci jian ni Yi shuang mi ren de yan jing
Zai wo nao hai li Ni de shen ying Hui san bu qu
Wo ni de shuang shou gan jue ni de wen rou Zhen de you dian tou bu guo qi
Ni de tian zhen Wo xiang zhen xi Kan dao ni shou wei qu Wo hui shang xin Oh…

CHORUS:
Zhi pa wo zi ji hui ai shang ni Bu gan rang zi ji kao de tai jin
Pa wo mei shen me neng gou gei ni Ai ni ye xu yao hen da de yong qi
Zhi pa wo zi ji hui ai shang ni Ye xu you tian hui qing bu zi jin
Xiang nian zhi rang zi ji ku le zi ji Ai shang ni shi wo qing fei de yi
REPEAT ………………….

BRIDGE:
Shen me yuan yin Ya…
Wo jing ran you hui yu jian ni Wo zhen de zhen de bu yuan yi
Jiu zhe yang xian ru ai de xian jing Oh…
(CHORUS:)

Translation:

It’s hard to forget the first time I met you
Those mesmerizing pair of eyes
In my mind The thoughts of you
Cannot be erased
When I hold your hand and feel your warmth
It’s really too much for me to handle
Your innocence I would like to treasure
When I see you suffering I will feel sad
Oh…

CHORUS:
Just afraid I will fall in love with you
Dare not let myself be too close to you
Afraid I’ve got nothing to offer you
To love you may require a lot of courage too
Just afraid I will fall in love with you
Maybe one day I wouldn’t be able to control myself
From falling in love with you
Thinking of you only hurts myself
I just can’t help falling in love with you

What’s the reason  Ya…
That I meet you again
I really really don’t wish to
Fall into the love trap like this
Oh…

crazy!! funny!! what did i do today? wakakkakaa… holidays mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn .. thats mad!!! 12 days to goooooooooooo …. booooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooo …. slurps!!!

funny how i found this group called CUESHE .. please kill me for this! please dont hate me my mates!!! wakakkakakakakakaa… i like them a lot!! i mean, their music!! hehehehhehehee….. why are they so familiar? i think ages ago .. dunno .. maybe a few years ago … lolz.. have heard of their music already? well, i mean their songs …  ok thats mad!! dont ask me! i dont even remember it either … i think a few years ago!!!

yay!!!!! i need to buy many things .. wakakkaa preparing … slurps … nice .. im tryin to be alone … by myself for a while …. hanging out too much!!! might be next week, i’ll be back!! hehehehee….

i cant wait back home mannnnnnnnnnnn … relax n meet all ma mates!!! wahey!!! im tryin to imagine it anyways … wakkakakaa….

hey, moechie …. …. sometimes i do miss you …  i cant wait to c u again, maybe one day somewhere in heaven!! slurps!! you bet, i miss those days!!!! from all ppl i know .. from all  ppl i met … from all ppl who cared for me .. from all ppl who loved me … from all ppl who became my good friends … from all ppl who had been ma lovers … from all god above and his angels … from all ma life … from all those ppl who have been in ma life for 24 years … you’re the one who stands for me!!! unfortunetely … youre gone forever!! how funny is that? again .. sometimes i wonder why god did this to me! maybe mournin you in the past of these a few years and months … i feel so numb!! i feel like i wanna be alone!!! losing you is like losing another half soul of mine!!! thats the most idiot things ive done these years n months … even just these a few month, ive been mourning you too much … grieving you a lot …  i feel like i only stand with one of my foot … incredible insaneeeeeeeee … theres something that i cant tell anyone … that i … i … i … i … . -saranghae- "oppa, saranghaeyooooooo …."  i wanna be free …. please let me free … please let me goooooo … because i want to!! do i just pretend to be happy? do i? but deep down inside i feel so numb! im losing my balance … im losing my soul … thats why i need holidays … i need to relax myself …  did i just lie to people again about this thing that im just doing fine? but well, im doing fine…. until the other day …. i told myself, ok this is not funny!!!! grieving too much wont make u any better … however, my life is moving too fast until i dont remember what day yesterday, today, tomorrow, last week, last month, next week, etc … its moving too fast .. did i make it too fast? i dont understand either……
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to be continueeeeeeee … im gonna take shower first then i’ll write this more !!! hahaha… i need a fresh brain!!!
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after showing, i feel so fresh and yeah i was thinkin as well when i took ma shower!! ok, im listening to indo songs .. funny …. wakakkaa… never mind .. im crazy!! useless girl!!! cmon .. wake up!!! as same as MARCELL’S SONG, MENDENDAM!! HAHAHAHHAHAA…

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trust me mannnnnnnn i really need holidays or else im gonna die here!!! what now? last nite i found out my laptop was broken!! ok, it was so funny … i was using it 2 days ago and last nite i thought i was gonna do something with it but then .. oh my god!! thats really not funny!!! thats not funny … what else? my mood? not good!! it was good yesterday coz i could listen to rap or whatever old skool dance music but now? i think, its emo again!! lolz .. ok, honestly, i need hardcore trance music!! but but but but .. all of my cds, i brought home last year and non left!! yknow .. ma best hardcore trance music!! I NEED IT TO LET OUT THINGS ON MA BRAIN!!!!

please take me to holidays!!! please take me back home!!! i need holidays!! oh my god!!! please take me to jeff, take me andrew, take me to luke, take me to edward, take me to suffa, take me to don-p, take me to gabe, please take me to nicky, please take me to steven, please take me to kenny!!! aaaaaaarrrrrggggg … cmon guys!!! i need holidays!! i need break dancing entertaiment!!!!! i need to see funny things!!! i need to go to overseas!! please … its been a while!!! i really need it!!!

trust me .. its nothing on ma brain today!!! these 2 days i found myself like a zombie, watching dawson’s for whole nite …. thats crazy!!! dawson’s marathon? ive never done that before!!! insaneeeeeeeeeeeeeee …

and the most insane thing is .. jay .. my jay’s toy that usually hangin/standing nicely for 2 years at least, on da top of ma books cabinet and holding an easter egg, all of sudden fell down!! it was crazy!!! whats wrong??? its not a good sign …

yknow what i did these a few nites? watching jeff and laughin like a hell!! he is good in rapping but once people challanged him to sing… ok HE CANT SING!!! when edward did the beat box, jeff was dancing like a hell .. shiet!! he is old but he is good in break dancing!! wakkakakaa… edward didnt talk at all, well hardly. wakkaa.. nicky? lolz… he is so so so funny coz he is a fosoooooooooooo .. cant danceeeeeeeee!!! ok, its not funny, isnt it? i just want a good laugh!!! wink!!!

cmon mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ….. im tryin to sleep … again!!! i need holidays!!! i need to travel or else am gonna be insane ASAP!!! well, even ma heinz ketchup is almost finished and its not even a month yet!!!

someone took ma job … someone took ma place .. and thats not funny either!!! ok, dont pity me!!! thats what i hate most from all of vocabulary in every dictionary!! SOMEONE TOOK MA JOB N PLACE!!! I WORKED HARD BEFORE!!!!! BUT THE BOSS DIDNT APPRICIATE ME AT ALL!!! AND NOW HE HIRED A NEW STAFF!!!! I DONT WANNA HOPE THAT NEW STAFF WOULD DO HER JOB WELL!!! COZ I KNOW IM DA BEST!! hahhahahahaa… wanna bet? bet you do, for sure!!! because i know, i love that job very much!! no one can beat me!! i bet that new staff doesnt love the job, she only needs the pays!!

what i did these days? MIS-CALCULATED THE DAYS!!!!!!! thats funny!! i wonder why, whats wrong with ma calendar or its just me? maybe its just me!!!! it seems like i dont have any clock or calendar in the place where i always stay!! BUT YEAH.. trust me.. this is another weird story again … the clock in ma room … thats not funny … should i say it was dropped off? and calendar? lolz … do i need to write it more?

yknow what else? ma bedsheet!! lolz … ok, i was changing ma bedsheet the other day and and and …. something happened, and i just realized it a couple hours later …. sigh .. wakkakakakaa… i called people to tell em about what ive done and thats the most hillarious happened in ma life!!! maybe my mind was absent for a while, so i dont really remember what i did until i felt like so numb and i made tonz of mistakes!!! in a month, i did so many weird things and made tonz of mistakes and i was like walking while i slept!!! ok, if you dont understand what im talkin about, just think as im walking while im sleeping. thats it!!!! maybe i did!!! i need someone to hit ma head!! or just knock knock it!! ok, welcome to ma world!!! hahahahhahahaaa…….
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yay!! SHOPPINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! SO HAPPY!!!! wink wink wink wink!!! slurpssssssssssssssssssssss … im happy!!! hehehehehhehee….

ok .. thats enuff!! hahahahhaaa… now i know what im gonna do .. hehehehehe …. slurps!!
I LOVE YOU GOD!!! hahahhaha… wink .. thanks for givin tonz of inspirations!!! so far, i enjoy my life. ok, i do complain sometimes!! but oh well .. life is too wonderful to explain!!! booooooohoooooooooooo!!! ok, about the wish n everything .. I WONT ASK IT AGAIN!! AND I FELT SO MUCH REGRETS THAT I MADE THAT WISH!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA… WHY? becauseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee … -only me know it-

hhehehehe…. AND AND AND .. i didnt ruin it!! hehehehehee ……………………. wink!!!

these days …. i cant find any good colour for myself … i cant find any good clothes for me … i cant find any good music for myself … good movies … good tv series … sigh …. i cant find any good design for my own self … damn … i cant do anythin good … i dunno what to do with my hair … i dunno what am gonna eat …

how many months ive been like this? cant even recall it … i have my chronic insomnia which makes me in big trouble of doing things and its kinda ruined my whole life … i feel sorry for myself that these a few months i enjoy myself too much … much more than before. im happy but yet somethings missing again … i wanna have it back but yet .. i dont want it anymore.

im happy but yet im sad … im busy with my life but yet im not busy for myself to let go everything i have inside here. every time i listen to those songs over n over again … oh … i cant explain my life anymore. i just wanna listen to my songs … my punk emo songs but yet … i cant anymore these days …

i cant wait to go home to make myself more relax … lexi said maybe i need a new fresh air … yes, indeed .. i need it .. i feel so stuffed up and i think i cant take it anymore. i cant … i just wanna throw all these fucken stupid harsh things that have already made myself gone insane … but what did i do? yeah, pretending to be tough again and strong? bullshit!!!

these days ive been becomin a zombie already … no life … im a vampire .. i dont even let my curtains open … all just dark … insane!! all i do at nite just thinkin until i feel like my head is gonna break up into pieces and hurts like a hell then all i do is sleeping to make me better and forget everything. if i can, i just wanna booze, get drunk, let me sleep peacefully just for a day and forget everything! thats sound very stupid …

and im listenin to a very stupid song with the sound of accoustic guitar … its in chinese and it says its invisible, i cant see anythin … love, why did you leave? i dont understand if you dont talk. i cant think whos wrong, i dont know and blah blah blah .. what a sad song!!!!!!!!! i cant see it either, will!! i cant see it anyone!! its just my own world!!

and i was listenin to the other song .. what da hell .. similar song!! ok, similar lyrics!! haizzzzzz!!! but this time is alex… lolz … it sounds very old skool his intro with a piano … how i love it!!! i always love piano!! he says, i dont wanna make you cry … not even once i wanna make you cry, make you sad, make you hurt, break up with you and kiss you good bye.

ok, thats harsh!! i love that song .. and im suffering my chronic insomnia and depression!! dont you think i look so desperate? i think i dooooooooooooo …. not from my appearance but inside here … deep down …

and another one … alan says, hey honey!! i just finished work, i cant come over tonight (while he was with his boys somewhere in front of the club) and she said, thats alright. im tired and i wanna sleep (while she was on her clubbing wardrobe and got ready to go). he says, ok baby i miss you!!! then she says, OK!

guess what? lolz.. the guy went to the club and boogie with other girls and the girl? did the same thing, boogie with other guys!! but you know what?

even though im with so many girls or guys, but its only you in my heart and its you the one i truly love! hahahahaa.. fucken hell… whats that??

what else besides chronic insomnia? panda eyes? lolz .. ok, im really look alike a zombie .. while i was so happy and i heard a very bad news but all of sudden, i heard the other weird news! geez! but im hungry now!! every day im craving for the same food, same dish, same bread, same ketchup, same place, same chilli sauce, etc. i think im starting to become a weird person!! lolz …

im thinkin to take out all those posters in ma room!! i will .. i just took off my skyline poster 2 weeks ago. im gonna take out all those photos in ma wall, but what about jay? sigh … im gonna clean up everythin…..

laundry … lolz … anywaysssssssssssssss … andrew grew up already!! so shiet mannnnnnnn …. ok, he is taller now!! lolz… too much eatin american cheese … and jeff .. he cant sing at all … he only knows how to RAP!! even that booooooohooooooooo LUKE! i always love "machi" brothers!! huh … they used to be 5 bros but now? oh my god .. it seems like 9? ok, one of em is good lookin! so shiet!! i was like drooling!!! ok everyone is good lookin and cool! so what? wakakakkaaa….

ok, despite of idiot things i wrote above … i just wanna say to -kuyaaaaa jeyekkkkkkkkkkkkk- GUE HAJAR LO!! WAKKAKAKAKAA … BASI LO AH!! TERNYATA GENE YEH!! CUIH2!! god had granted my wish last december … as i asked god to make my wish come true before my xmas! oh well .. i ruined it!! it was a week before xmas! hahahahaa… i made a fast decision and i ruined it! but somehow, i dont feel any regrets… remorse or whatever you named it. BUT I DO … I DID … I FELT REGRETS!!! oh my god!! yknow i prayed for it every single nite for 2 months!!! but i let it go already .. haha .. OK, AM NOT LETTING GO!! but i think i did .. coz i stopped everything about it .. i stopped prayin to god … because im lazy and i dont want it anymore.

ok now its almost 7am and i havent had my sleep yet!!

hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boogie head!! wakakakakkaa… too happy until i cant explain it anymore!!! 2 weeks to go hey!!!
anyways … uuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …. i hav tonz things to write but but but but but but …. funni arse!! i dunno how to explain my life … lalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalallalalalaa ….. fun? yeah! good? yeah!! interesting? yeah, definetely. unbelievable? for sure!!! exciting? absolutely!! wakkakakakakakakakakakkakaakakkaakaa … rock da world!!!! neva been better than this!!

i cant wait, j-town!!! i love ma j-town!!! so excited!!! i love ma winkie mates!! lolz …

i luv u, boogie head!! wakakakkakaka… boogie woogie!! lolz …slurpssssssssssss!!!

im happy … happy … happy … cuih .. cuih …

well, i forgot how long it was … its been a long long long time .. it seems like … it sounds like …
wont forget it … and i dont want to … cant erase it … and i dont want to … whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa …. you’re da best best best, mate!! wakkakakaa… miss chu .. wanna wrack ur face again!! lolz … lalalalalalala …. no one can beat ya from past, now and then!! hohohohohohohoho … for sure!!! but its been a long time … wish can turn back da time!!! wish i could go back again … mate mate mate … its been a long long long time yeah? how long? i dun remember!!!! NOT A SECOND PASSES THAT YOURE NOT ON MA MIND!!! but dunno why … slowly your face just fades away … i dun even remember how you look like now … hahahhahaa….
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ok another story ….

this morning, one ma best mates said something that made me woke up from the past n made me realized that sometimes you can force anything!!! he said, no one can beat Jaenet in his heart …. i know mannnnnn .. he is still sad and a lot of pains although he has another one now … i forced him to chase her back!!! i felt like i wanted hit his head for being so so so so so so "let it be" person!!! he said, "if i chase her back, too many ppl will get hurt. i dont want that. our story has overed!!!". i said, "why dont you try for the last time? the last time before everythings too late?".

arg .. this mate …

and me .. another similar story with him … yes, i would say NO ONE CAN BEAT THAT BOOGIE HEAD IN MA HEART!!!! wakkakakakaakakaa…. crazy, idiot, ppl last nite … just flashing back …. I HAVE SIMILAR STORY AS HIM!!!

we’re very good friends …. too much pains in our heart!!!

after all i said to him, dont brainwash your brain, dont erase her, remember her … remember that no one can beat her in your heart, remember that she left you something … those sweet memories.

to be continue …

wang le you duo jiu (I forgot how long was it)
zai mei ting dao ni (since I last heard you)
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi (telling me your favourite story)
wo xiang le hen jiu (I have been thinking for a very long time)
wo kai shi huang le (I’m begining to feel paranoid)
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me (did I make any mistakes again?)

#
ni ku zhe dui wo shuo (you came and tell me with the tears in your eyes)
tong hua li dou shi pian ren de (that fairytales are all lies)
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi (it’s impossible for me to be your prince charming)
ye xu ni bu hui dong (maybe you will not understand)
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou (after the moment when you said you loved me)
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le (the stars in my sky, are begining to shine and shimmer)

*
wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li (I’m willing to be, in the fairytales)
ni ai de na ge tian shi (the angel you love)
zhang kai shuang shou (open my arms wide)
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni (and let it become wings to protect you)
ni yao xiang xin (you have to believe)
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li (believe that we will be like the fairytale)
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju (with happiness and joy as the ending)

Repeat  #  *

yi qi xie wo men de jie ju (everything is our beautiful ending…)

strange … thats all i can say … these a few days i kept talking to someone until 6 am and after all i just remembered my past which ive been forgetten for so long. this person woke me up from ma past. yknow during all these days .. almost 10 years i never remembered my past even my childhood. but yet last a few hours ago i was talkin with him and all of sudden i remembered all about my childhood. during this years i always thought i had no childhood stories or perhaps it was just plain and no adventure at all. hahahaa… but when i remembered …. i was the naughties kid ever!! i remembered every single thing i did! i knew everyone … ppl knew me those days… who doesnt know me? even until today. i had so much pain in the past and it made me erased all those memories. no matter where i go, ppl always remember me. shiet … amazing!! i remember every single scene … i remember that street .. that short cut road, those people in my life, those … those … i remember everything my adventures days … different and weird from other normal kids in ma age … but im glad that im different and thats the best thing has happened in ma life.

when i saw that old movie, i knew love is supposed to be like that … i remember that! and when i heard that song again, i remember …. it sounds like this:

when i saw you for the first time. i knew you’re the one. you didnt say a word to me but love was in the air. when you held my hand, put into your word, from all my life has changed for good that i’ll never feel lonely again. coz you’re in my life. how can i explain 2u? the wa i feel inside when i think of you. i thanked you for everything you did to me. dont you ever forget that i love you

oh my god!! remember that song now!! wakakakkakakaka… did i leave so much impression? did i? how can after so many years people still remember me? arg .. i dont know … i felt like i knew this person for ages but yet … arg … dunno …  anyways .. lolz … ive been thru a lot more than ppl know in this world, and yet ive never told anyone … even ma own friends. wakkakaa.. the most amazing adventures of my life. im glad i did and i had it … people will surprise if i tell them all … wakkakakaka … but this thing gave the best thing in my life because it made me strong and more tougher. because been there .. done that … i know god loves me and HE made me realized tat god is always watching over me. god doesnt want me to be sad, god wants to remind me that i had a good adventures of my childhood, and god will do anything to help me thru someone else and i never expected that, and i never knew about it. i was surprised as well. until today … this morning .. i realized .. god wants me to have a good life … and yes … i have a good life!! god has been feeding me hard challanges that no one has it but im so grateful he did give me in the past and now all i can do is taking everything easier because i know how to face it. thank you, lord!! you’re the best!!!!

PS: i miss 9-cloud-13
sigh … i wanna see him for the last time .. please …