LINZ SAID SO!!!

the hardest decision i have ever made in my whole life but i had to do it although there will be a thing you called HURT! ah well … shit happens! im starting to get use to it by now. LOL …  i got nothing to say … amazing!!! usually i have tonz of things to write about!! lalalalalalalalalalalala ….

i was given 2 options in life and i had to choose one of em. ah well .. after all i had to choose the other one, for better or worse it’s for my own future. a friend of mine asked me, "are you sure?" and i had to say, yes i am sure! as much as i am so much hurt but i had to choose one of the options and i had to let go the other one.

honestly as i wrote yesterday that i was gonna throw everything in the bin. i was having a lot of doubts but when i had a thought about it again, i think i had to do it and i just did. i had to be a selfish person. another friend of mine once told me, "if you really did love someone you gotta be selfish!. that time i was like, "oh yeah?". but kitty kat also thought me one thing about it as well hat sometimes you gotta be selfish in love life. so now i can prove that whatever they said to me in the past, it was true although i didnt believe it in the first place. but honestly, i couldnt believe it that i just did it! for god’s sake i had no choice anymore.

gokil joooooooooooo … tapi for better or worse, i think even though im gonna lose both of my options, i dont care either!!! ah sebodo lah!! at least i have explained everything cleared and i cant be bothered with everything anymore at the moment. im too tired. im so sick of it. i cant take it anymore! haiyaaaaa …

to certain someone: ini demi kebaean elo juga! hope you’ll be alright and i know you’ll be doing great and find someone else better than me. i didnt mean to hurt you but shiet happens and although honestly i couldnt do it, but i had to. i had to make a final decision right away. again .. as i said, whether you really meant it everything you said or not, thanks a lot.

Ya ampunnnnnnn … yang terjadi ama gue dalem sebulan ini emang gila bgt! sumpah, sampe bikin gue bener2 speechless. masalah dateng gak ada kata stop. gue bingung banget asli! rasanya gue pengen buang semua keinginan gue ke tong sampah! gue udah gak mo peduli lagi ama semuanya. i cant take this anymore. gue tanya ke semua org juga gak guna, nobody can answer it except my own self. gila abis! where can i find the answer? trus as much as i wanna accept everything tapi keknya gue gak bisaaaaaaa … begitulah manusia (cieeeeeee)

theres something yang bikin gue keep on wondering. should i really go that far ahead or move and reverse everything back like it used to be? yang pasti gue sendiri gak tau.

rasanya skrg gue pengen buang semuanya ke rubbish bin! gue udah gak mo pusingin lagi. i cant take it anymore … i cant take it anymore. it drives me nuts! should i believe what my heart says or believe what ppl told me? bener2 sulit! yang di bilang org2 ada benernya, yang gue pikiran di otak gue juga ada benernya en gue setuju ama kata2 org laen. jadinya apa donk? 

btw, hiperbola abis gak seh title blog nya? terkesan hiperbol, tp mank kenyataannya spt itu! di bilang gue sok wise, gak juga. tapiiiiiii … setelah gue pikir2 maybe sebenernya semuanya udah jelas tapiiiiiiii … gue ragu abessssss mannnnnn!!!

"sudahlah aku pergi …." (lagunya sapa tuh yah? padi ato naff yeh? gak inget deh gue). pas bener ada lagu Jikustik yang baru di MTV! haiz .. lagu kesukaan gue! cupu abessss!! parah tuh puisi yang di jadiin lirik … keren abesssss!! trus2… pas abessssssss lagu satu lage nongol!! gilaaaaa kalo gue lage mellow2 gini, pas bener deh lagu2 MTV  buat gue, berurutan semua!! mwahahahaha ….

parah yah… tadi barusan gue baca curhatan salah satu temen. tapi gue ngerti semua yang dia tulis and bener2 top abis itu anak. honestly, yang dia alemin itu pernah gue alemin juga. tapi dulu tuh gue gak setegar dia.

ari ini gue parah bgt deh down nya … gue sampe di tanyain berkali2, "elo kenapa? sedih?". gue bilang, "gak napa2 kog!". gilakkkkkkkkkkkk … pdhal seh gue udah gak tao kek apaan, yang gue mau gue lakuin tuh TIDUR and forget about everything but i wanna say to the world, "god dammmmmmmm … I dont know what to do! please gimme an answer so i would know what to do!". bikin gue lemes ajeh!! LOL … but all i know I WANNA BE ALONE to refresh my mind!

sumpah gue dah males ama semuanyaaaaaaaaaa … gue dah mo buang semuanya jaoh2!!! gue mabok ama kanan kiri depan blakang gue … males bgt!!! malesssssssssssssss …. gue jadi inget kata2 temen gue!! lol fcuk that hell im gonna do it!!! im gonna ruin everything! im gonna destroy everything and i dont care anymore!!! im gonna do what ppl told me and throw everything in the bin! so i’ll be free!!!

I had an odd wish these a few weeks. but actually it wasnt an odd wish at all. it was the same wish i had for 3 years. but i guess, this would be my last time to ask this wish. i dont know if god had gimme an answer for it yet or not. sometimes im kinda feel it but then again, oh maybe not. last year was so easy to get that answer.

sometimes i wanna laugh for making my life like this. but then again … ah well let it be. i remember one of my friends told me ages ages ago, LET IT BE!!! that time i was thinkin why would i let it be? but thru the years until now, im starting to understand it by let it be, let it flows.

as much as i wanna be so mad of certain things, i try to let it be and let it go. fcuk that shit! it’s so fcuking annoying!! *cmonnnnnn laugh at me!!! LOL* but im sure sooner or later, i’ll be OK. damnnnnnnnn…

oh my god!!! i cant believe it!!! it happensssssssssss!!!!! KC ROCKS!!! LOL .. 10 FEB!!! 10 FEB!!! 10 FEB!!! it’s comingggggggg … 2 weeks to go, hey? dammmmmmm thats harsh!!! I cant wait to see what will happen on that day! LOL …

it was just yesterday when K said about that silly teenager! well, i knew K said harsh things to her but his point of view made sense and i certainly agree. then about the other someone who got that problem, everything K said was trueeeeee … dam!! he is such a smart ass!!

taek lah..  bikin mules!!! hahahahhaa….

"Teman gue mengungkapkan apa yang dia percaya mengenai cinta.
Menurutnya cinta adalah sesuatu yang ditakdirkan Tuhan kepada kita.
Seperti tanggal lahir, tanggal mati, dan berapa uang yang akan kita
dapat. Beberapa orang bilang kalo jatuh cinta pasti ada perasaan yang muncul
sedari awal. Sedari kamu belum mengenal siapa orang itu. Ketika kamu
melihat orang itu kamu sadar bahwa dia adalah soulmate dari surga yang
dibuat hanya untukmu. Bahwa kamu adalah tulang rusuknya yang telah lama
saling mencari untuk kemudian menyatu. Love at the first sight. Namun ada juga yang bilang cinta adalah buah kesabaran. Dimana kamu
perlahan bisa belajar untuk mencintai seseorang yang pada awal tidak
kamu cintai, tapi karena kamu berniat untuk memberikan ruang di hatimu
dan perlahan-lahan mengisinya dengan perhatiannya, kelembutannya keluh
kesahnya dan tiba-tiba kamu sadar bahwa dia adalah soulmatemu. Love
takes time." (dari seorang teman)

Bullshiet abes gak seh kalo 1 co yg patah hati isa bikin nulis se indah ini? (attach on below deh tulisannya) pertama gue emank ngerasa gak mongken abes. it wasnt the first time i heard about that kind of guy but 2nd time. lucu gak sih kalo tulisan2 indah ini sempet di bikin lagu sampe terkenal en top abes sejagad raya although not many people know about it mpe gue jadiin lagu sejarah gue jaman dulu bgt en temen2 gue. ini lagu patah hati gue en temen2 gue dr dulu sampe skrg. kalo gue ato di antara temen2 gue ada yg patah hati, kita wajib dengerin ini lagu biar ati tenang. tiap gue dengerin ini lagu, my god terbesit di relung jiwa yang paling dalem … gue udah kek di sayat2 pake piso krn cerita lalu gue! dammmmmmmmmm …. sebenernya gue anti banget ama ini lagu, but beberapa waktu lalu i found the song secara gak sengajaaaaaa … gak sengajaaaaaaa. sumpah!! gue dah buried about the whole stories and everything about it. sepertinya true love never died! sampe skrg gue suka di ledekin ama a few certain someones, "taek lah lo jek ngomong doank loe, gue tauk dulu elo cinta mati ama dia, gak mo ngaku lage loe!". Mwahahahahhahahahahaa … waktu itu gue bilang, "true love yg maneh? basi mannnnnn .. udah thn jebot abesss! udah cerita lalu abessssssssssssss!! gue dah amnesia!!". LOL sebenernye emank gue sempet "amnesia", believe it or not. trus temen gue bilang, "elo gak inget janji elo apaan ke gue ttg tuh orang?". gue bilang, "inget! sampe gue mati pun pasti gue inget!". well, udah bertaon2 lewat aka jaman bahala abes, gue juga masih inget. boong ajeh gue amnesia 100% (kalo beberapa persen emank iyeh), sebenernye every single scene gue masih inget satu persatu cuman gue dah males inget2. biar gue skrg cupu gene gue juga maseh inget semua!! itu lagu2 yg laen maseh ada di otak gue, gue maseh inget, sampe skrg maseh lagu2 favorit gue n gue apal semua. waktu jaman itu seh gue sempet mikir, "fcuk off with the love! i dont give a dam anymore!", gue sampe gak inget rasanya sakit ati en fall in love kek gimana bertaon2. numb abes! kalo skrg sih, gue ngakak ajeh ama gue yg dulu. bego abis gak sih? emank bego!! tapi kalo gue inget2 lucu juga yah? well, klo sekarang? gue udah beda bgt ama gue yg dulu. jaman udah berubah coi!

                       I could still remember yesterday
                       We were so in love in a special way
                       And knowing that you love me makes me
                       Feel oh so right
                       But now I feel lost
                       Don’t know what to do
                       Each and everyday I think of you
                       Holding back the tears
                       I’m trying with all my might
                       Because you’re gonna leave me standing
                       All alone
                       And I know I’ve got to face tomorrow on my own
                       But baby before I let you go I want to say
                       I love you
                       I hope that you’re listening coz it’s true, baby
                       You’ll be forever in my heart
                       And I know that no one else will do, yeah
                       So before I let you go I want to say
                       I love you…hmmm…                     I wish that it would be just
                       Like before
                       I know I could have given you so
                       Much more
                       Even though you know I’d give the
                       New one, my love
                       I miss your smile; I miss your kiss
                       Each and everyday I’ll ever miss
                       Coz baby it’s you that I’m always
                       Dreaming of
                       Because you’re gonna leave me standing
                       All alone
                       And I know I’ve got to face tomorrow on My own
                       But baby before I let you go I want to say
                       I love you
                       I hope that you’re listening coz it’s true, baby
                       You’ll be forever in my heart
                       And I know that no one else will do, yeah
                       So before I let you go, I want to say, yeah
                       Letting you go is never easy
                       But I love you so
                       That’s why I’ll set you free, yeah
                       And I know, someday, somehow,
                       I’ll find the way
                       To leave them all behind me
                       Give it all beneath to keep it baby
                       Before I let you go, I want to say
                       I love you
                       I hope that you’re listening
                       Coz it’s true, baby
                       You’ll be forever in my heart
                       And I know that no one else will do, yeah
                       So before I let you go I want to say…
                       So before I let you go I want to say…
                       I love you

meskipun dah R.I.P, i know every single moment of my life ya gue suka kangen kadang ama crita yg dulu2! mwahahahahaha… betapa bodohnya diriku .. cuit2 … tapi every single moment terkadang repeat di otak gue kalo gue lagi di dunia mellow. terkadang gue pengen turn back the time, tapi sebenernya gue gak pengen juga. tar gue isa sakit mental kek dulu. cukup skali ajah deh amnesia and mental masing2. no more 2nd time for me to do so. sometimes i wanna be in the movie, sometimes i wanna be that drama part so i can be happy with the lame story and happy ending. terkadang gue pengen seperti itu. tapi kata temen2 gue, "joooo … crita cinta elo tuh dah kek sinetron and korean drama, kurang apalagi? colourful abes drpd kek kita2 hambar geneeeee. elo tinggal tulis cerita2 elo ajeh en submit ke tv stations pasti laku keras. gue jamin meteor garden juga kalah trus di dunia elo juga byk temen2 co!". LOL .. ngeledek gue ajeh deh tuh org2. gak ngerti juga deh tapi kadang apa yg mrk bilank ke gue ada benernye. but i dont tell people the whole stories ajeh, males bgt! let me keep it for myself! .. honestly, gue emank lagi mellow skrg. gak heran deh kalo gue kek gini. dr tadi berjem2 dengerin lagu yg sama mulu udah kek org modar ajeh!

mwahahahahaha.. gak penting abes gue nulis giniannnnnnnn … tapi gue mank lagi mellow ajeh en pengen makan sate lage sambil crita2 ngarol ngidul!

btw, eds keren gak? wakakakakaa.. gak nyambung abesssss!!! :P:P:P:P:P mupengnye kuar deh! type gue bgt!!! ngimpi kale mannnn!! dulu gw en temen2 heboh abes! gantengnyeeeeeee cuit2 … skrg? tetep sama kek dulu. waakakkaaa.. gue inget pas di melb! anjrit! gue mpe ngakak 1/2 mati pas neh org sound check trus nge dance nya kacau abessssssss … he is a good dancer with his dam break-dancing, tapi oh my god, elo ilfil abis gak seh after you saw that freak dance of him? wakakkakakakaa…. kt anak2, "sumpah man monkey abes tuh org!". not sure he was drunk or not, tapi nggak lah .. tp tuh anak mank lage hiper abes.

ngomongin soal hiper2an, gue juga sempet berkali2 hiper di melb. emank kurang tidur ajeh. gokil, gak tidur langsung cabs ke campz. gila kan loe? mpe sore2, gue dah kumat abes. temen gue mpe bilank, "gila lo, gue gak isa bayangin diri gue kek elo, udah kaga tidur seharian, maseh ajah isa stay awake en tetep funky + hiper!". moment gue yg paling gila emank 2001-2004. i had my moments when i had my crazy hair colour (gonta ganti), when the first time i had my alcohol yang bikin gue alergi abis2an (loe bayangin nonton di bioskop gue mpe garuk2 kek monyet!! hahahahaha.. after that NO MORE ALCOHOL AFTER DI VONIS DOKTER since that gue gak pernah mau lagi), the first time i got tipsy, the first time i passed out, the first time gue skola mati2an, the first time gue foya2 gak karuan, the first time i had my beer and others, the first time i went to the club yang fcuk that shiet i hate it so much (bukan gue banget ke tempat2 getoh), the first time gue ngopi mpe pagiiiiiii .. the first time gue gak pernah di rumah, the first time the whole semester gue cuman masuk 3x, dll … mwahahahahahhaaa… taek abes uni life style bikin elo gilaaaa!!! punya temen2 ga beres semuaaaaaaaaaa ….

gue juga inget pas gue balik indo entah 2002 or 2003, siang2 bolong gw nge heineken (taek kebykkan lagak minum beer. tapi loe tau gak seh gimana rasanya patah ati? sakit man!), di mall gue dah kek org mo passed out! pengen muntah!! muka meraaaaaaaaahhhhhhh kek kepiting rebus en di liatin org. gue ngeliat ke kaca, entah kacanya yg  emank jelekan ato emank gue yg udah mabok abes ngeliat diri gue jd aneh bgt. udah pengen muntah, gue liat wc di indo kek shiet abes, gue malah gak jadi muntah! mwahahahahaa… sampe di mobil gue dah bener2 passed out!!  hahahahahahaha…  BSOKNYEEEEE .. langsung dah skin gue rash abesssss .. alergi lagi gue! patah hati emank menyiksa diri!! hahahahaha…  sejarah tuh!! perlu elo inget2 for the whole semester of uni! LOL …

sadis gak seh lo? mo crita patah apalagi? dulu .. gue kaga tao dah di kaseh temen gue entah campuran minuman apaan, lol .. yang ada gue tipsy. pas gue mo ke wc, kog jalanannya miring2 .. lol ..  males bgt deh! crita temen gue lebih gila, botol nye di campur tequila abis2an, dia nya gak nyadar, pas dia minum, anjrit udah kek org sakit tuh anak. uda muntah2 kek org mati, maseh sempet sms gue lage, "layz, tolongin gue! gue lage muntah2 di toilet! gue mo mati! gue di kerjain temen gue, gue gak tao brapa tequila!!". abis itu tuh org passed out! amponnnnnnnnnn …. bsok2 tuh anak kaga bangun2… 2 days lage, tuh anak idup lage.

jaman temen gue nyetir ugal2an, ini org bener2 ngadu abis ama aussies!! lol .. gak segen2 dia buka kaca en bilank, "fcuk off man!!", temen gue itu cw loh!! dia itu emank hopeng gue yang paling gila.  belom liat gue se yah? gue nyetir lebih gila lage. wakakkaaa .. dia mpe ketakutan!! "laen kale elo jgn gitu lage, gue takut!!! scare me to death!!". in certain condition gue mank gak boleh nyetir or i’ll hit mobil org. gue dulu pas patah hati, ampir gue nabrak org krn otak gue lage entah dimana, sebenernye 2x. mwahahahaha… sableng!

gokil!!! tapi itu mah udah moments yang udah lalu bgt when the first time youre being an adult and you wanna try so many things while you are young and free. jaman gue udah lewat!!! but i have to say without melb and everything that happened in ma life, maybe i wouldnt enjoy my life that much. 3 years, i had enuff lah esp. when the 2nd time you really did love someone until you could die.

after that 3 years, gue udah stop semua kegiatan gue coz gue busy with work and everything. settled down maksudnyeeeee …. when i had a time to think about the future and everything. cieeeeee … ya gitu deh sampe skrg. liat donk gw 2-3 thn terakhir ini? no more odd hair colour, no more hingar bingar, no more foya2, no more kelayepan, no more ngopi2, no more ugal2an, dll … meskipun gue kangen juga seh esp. temen2 gue yg udah bfg! gue kangen ama that special certain somone yang udah bikin hari2 gue cerah duluuuuuuuuuuuu …. yang tiap kalo mo ketemu pasti brantem dulu kek tom n jerry, saling membully, maen kata2an, kalo marah2an 3 bulan kaga ngomong …. hahahahaa.. basi abessssssss dei …  kocak abes!! the unrevealed old feelings yang terpendam lama bgt, but just we didnt wanna ruin our friendship. however, its all good krn itu adalah sebuah kenangan terindah. there a few certain special people too, tapi gak perlu gue sebutin deh!

sekarang? 2007? NO MORE BROKEN HEARTED lagi deh kek thn2 dino … to that certain someone: for better or worse, i cant tell those a few things! if i could, i would turn around and never look back on you again but i know i couldnt no matter what i do which is mean you’ve captured me and i cant get away from you!! mwahahhahahahaa … (sejak kapan gue hiperbola geneeeeeee? pengen muntah deh elo pasti!! wakakakakaka). contohnya, seperti lagu ini (cupu abis dah gueeeeeeee):

RONAN KEATING - WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL

It’s amazing
How you can speak
Right to my heart
Without saying a word,
You can light up the dark
Try as I may
I could never explain
What I hear when
You don’t say a thing

[CHORUS:]
The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There’s a truth
In your eyes
Saying you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You’ll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

All day long
I can hear people
Talking out loud
But when you hold me near
You drown out the crowd
(The crowd)
Try as they may
They can never define
What’s been said
Between your
Heart and mine

[Repeat chorus twice]

(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let’s me know
That you need me

[Repeat chorus]

tapi ini yang palink cupuuuuuuuu abessssss … gue ngakak guling2 kalo gue inget2 … gilaaaa sejarah mannnn!!!!

"Until The Time Is Through"

Now and forever, Until the time is through

I can’t believe it, I don’t know where to start,
No baby, So many questions deep inside my heart

Give me a moment before you go,
There’s something you ought to know.

[Chorus]
Baby now and forever,
Until the time is through (Until the time is through),
I’ll be standing here,
Waiting and never give up my faith in you (Give up my faith in you),
Trying to make it clear,
Without your love, I’d be half a man, Maybe one day, You’ll understand,
Now and forever, Until the time is through

I’ll be waiting!

How can I tell you, so that you can see,
You know that, Love has a meaning,
When you are here with me (When you are here with me baby)

Give me a moment before you go,
There’s something you ought to know.

[Chorus]
Baby now and forever,
Until the time is through (Until the time is through),
I’ll be standing here,
Waiting and never give up my faith in you (Give up my faith in you),
Trying to make it clear,
Without your love, I’d be half a man, Maybe one day, You’ll understand,
Now and forever, Until the time is through

There is no one to comfort me,
Here in my cold reality,
I’m searching for words,
What can I say to make you see.

Baby now, Until the time is through, I’ll be Here. [2X]

[Chorus]
Baby now and forever,
Until the time is through (Until the time is through),
I’ll be standing here,
Waiting and never give up my faith in you (Give up my faith in you),
Trying to make it clear,
Without your love, I’d be half a man, Maybe one day, You’ll understand,
Now and forever, Until the time is through

peace out!

"If you really do someone, you gotta let that person go" or "if you really do love someone, you gotta lie about your true feelings so you won’t hurt that person".

I used to say the first sentence to all my friends because that what i have done in the past, a long long time ago. you gotta accept the fact that the thing you always wanted, it’s not something you gotta have. you have no rights although you really want it unless the person want you to do so. there is another sentence that i used to say to friends all the time. but ah well … taek lah, nulis apa sih loe? hahahahahaha…. mo jadi pujangga? LOL … maksa bgt deh loe!!! ngaco ajeh deh gue!! LOL …

2nd sentence, no idea where this sentence came from… but all i know, maybe sometimes you gotta do it. if you really do love someone, do you need to lie that you dont love that person anymore while deep down inside you really do until you can feel the pain in your chest?  BLEH, gue nulis apaan lagi nih? mabok pulang2 …

KC told me about 10 feb!! wah jooooooooooooo … keknya its not gonna happen deh on 10 feb!! basi dah .. wish gue gak kesampean donkkkkkkk … donkkkkkkkkkkkk … donkkkkkkk … yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … gimana donkkkkkkkkkk … tapi gue sempet kepikiran seh about it tapi shit happens … mwahahhaa.. so no surprise surprise lah on 10 feb! dammmmmmmmmmmmm …..

Ive been praying these 2 weeks, mannnnnnn … cant believe it, it works! too bad yea, i got the unlucky part. like everyone says "ah well shit happens". gilakkkkkkkkkkkkkk… mendadak di tv ada lagunya ada band "haruskah ku mati", lagu favorit gue, pas gue nulis ginian!!! hohohoho…..

sometimes i feel sorry for myself … LOL!! as if just i had that courage to do so! but i was afraid to get into that edge again. cieeeeeeee ….

Ada Band - Haruskah Ku Mati

gue lage demen abes ama neh lagu!! after all gue suka abesssssss ama lagu2 melly goeslaw en semua lagu ciptaan die buat org laen!! mwahahahaa… no reason why seh, emank dr sono nye gue demen ajeh ama si melly!! LOL mpe neh lagu gue jdiin nada tunggu!! lalalalalalalala …

Melly Goeslaw - Gantung

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Mencari tahu hubungan kita
Apa masih atau tlah berakhir

Reff:
Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini
Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab
Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana
Kasih…
Sampai kapan kau gantung
Cerita cintaku memberi harapan
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu

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Tentunya hubungan cinta denganmu
Membuat ku sakit
Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi
Dan meninggalkan dirimu

(gue suka abessssssssssssssssssssssssss ama neh lagu. pertama waktu gue dengerin ini lagu, ya amponnnnnnn … bener2 nusuk abes ke jiwa. cieee … it reminds me of someone thru good and bad times)

Jikustik - Puisi

Life has been so fcuked up lately! But I think it has been always like that. How can I explain it briefly??? Those songs that I have been listening too also sound so fcuked up!! I cant even write it down! I cant even say it! I am so fcuking speechless! I am not in the mood for anything. Every corner of life is always bringing those memories. I almost forget but I cant even remember every single thing. It sounds odd but it is true. That corner hasn’t even changed for ages but something changed … People who used to be there and people who never leave that place still exist including myself. The track is still there and I can still see it clearly. Sometimes I wanna be that part of the corner again but I know I cant. I might sound so pathetic or miserable but I cant think clear. How does it feel if I turn back and go to the same path? Would I be happy or just be sad? I miss the flowers, chocos, steaks, smell, messages, cakes, parks and so on. But as much as I miss all of em, I cant remember and my brain is not able to bring it up again. I tried to but my mind stuck in that particular part and my head went nuts and in pain. It seems like I just got my brainwash and perhaps heart-wash. I cant feel anything. NUMB! But isn’t it that I have been like this for ages, for as long as I can remember? Ah! All of sudden I feel so hungry in the middle of 3.30AM! LOL! Life is too serious to think! Life is too much to think! I have been eating Double Cheeseburgers (McDonalds) for weeks and I have might been insane or maybe I was planning to die by eating a lot of McDonalds? Most of the time I only sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep to make my life more easier to handle. I better get something to eat. BENER2 GAK JELAS ABES APA YG GUE TULIS!! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAA …  BTW, TADI GUE NULIS APAAN YAH?

these a couple days gue kek org sekarat abessssss!!! sakit kaga bae2, bleh!!! last nite i took a medication and i fell asleep. amazing … biasanya gue saingannya kalong, maren isa tidur cepet. pagi2 gue bangun, cuman krn brasa gak enak lage, gue tidur lage abis minum obat. bangun2 jem 3an sore! hahahahaa… basi gak sih? ah well …

these days byk pikiran juga. maybe its a hint that im gettin older! waaaaaaa …. sebenernya ive been thinkin a lot. lama2 seh isa jd gila, tapi ya begitu deh … gue bener2 jenuh keknya. im still missing that one piece in ma life and im still lookin for it. it seems like udah 10 thnan lebih! but life goes on … sebodo amat! LOL …

holidays gene enak juga! hahaha… holidays mank enak dimana2. mana ada yg kaga enak? taking a long break itu sedaaaaaapppp …. apa coba? ah gak nyambung deh gue. mank otak lg gak beres…

huhuhu sabtu ini … man utd  match!! lol big match! bikin gue stress ajah skrg! bener2 pelipur lara deh vs arsenal.

alergi pembawa duka lara! basi abis tiap gue balik indo, alergi udah dimana2. giliran gue balik ke melb, everythings alright. gue lupa beli obat anti alergi gue byk2 lage pas gue balik ke sini, skrg dose nya udah sekarat! bleh … alergi oh alergi … teganya dikau!

masih sama … dengerin lagu2 pelipur lara! menyedihkan skale! ah tapi biasa ajah kale! oh iyeh lucky tagihan optus gue kaga seberapa, lol .. gara2 pas inet indo mati semua gara2 gempa, gue pake byk roaming internet! mwahahahahaa… sapi!

byk crita seh gue … tapi keknya gak penting abes dah! maren nyokap gue ganti bed sheet gue, man.united bok! merah gahar! hahahaa.. garing abes man!! gue kira mo di ganti apaan gitu. katanya ga ada lagi, bed sheet elo cuman 2. hahahaha.. kasian bgt gue! tapi mank gue kaga inget, setauk gue dr dulu kalo gak snoopy yah man.united. ah gue jd inget kamar gue sebelon di reno, semuanya merah ngejrenk, man.united stuff semua. hahahaha… pas gue dah cabs ke melb, udah kaga ada yg ngurusin kamar gue lage. pas gue balik ke sini, lebih parah bgt. bikin stress!

gue kangen melb! uhui! pengen balik! ya a few months to go lah! byk urusan juga di melb yg belom gue settle. hahhahaa… di idup gue, gue cuman kangen ama 3 org! basi man! tapi dr 3 itu keknya cuman inget 1 or maybe 2. satu ajah deh! kalo gue inget2 bener2 menyesatkan jiwa! loh kog? hahahhaa…. i had a good time most probably, but i do miss all my mates! yg bikin gue gerah juga byk!

but as for now, taking a break from my crazy life is much more better. tunggui ajah, tar gue juga balik gila2an lagi. LOL … skrg seh it’s my time buat cool.calm.quiet kek dulu>>> bukannya gue dr dulu begini? LOL … ya emank aslinya kek geto, tapi terkadank ada saatnya kl gue bener2 sarap, ya beneran sarap. tapi oi .. inget umur! mwahahahahahhaa…. fcukin hell … i miss those days! kangen melbbbbbbbbbbbbbiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! tapi gak juga sih! hahahahahhaaa… biasa ajah! wekkkk…

btw, akhir2 ini gue rada kesel en gondok. bleh… tapi spt biasanya deh, gue orgnya cuek. males juga gue pikirin. bikin gila! bikin sarap! udeh cukup gue gila nya! hahahaha… welcome to my crazy world! <<<<<<<<< sarapnya kuar lage! like i wrote last time, life is a biatch! life hates me, i hate life and so on! hahahhaa… emangnya gue pikirin!!!

cabs dulu ah! gue bener2 gak tau mo nulis apaan. keknya tiap gue nulis bener2 random abesssss!! bener2 gak penting abessss!!! gue jd pengen punya kucing kek dulu! hahahahaha….

Jakarta, 16 January 2007

Damn! These days I have been listening to a CD that I found somewhere in my room. all my old skool life songs were there. I have one favorite song that I always recommended to all my friends to cheer em up. Ah well, its not a great deal although I have been listening to it all over again every single day and every hour until I am kinda insane! LOL [kidding].

Less sleep all I have been doing lately! I think my brain is kinda overload at the moment but I am tryin to take it easy. I woke up early today and outside was so bloody hot. When I came back home, I fell ill and went to sleep right away. All I knew I slept twice and felt so tired. However, when I woke up, I could still feel the pain! Damn Gastro!! Mom forced me to have a medication but I said NO! LAZY!!

Yknow I talked with KC today, I dont know that I should listen to him or myself. But he was right tho and still I cant make my own decision. After all, after I had a good nap I knew what I was gonna do. I have too many options but damnnnnnnnnn I cant choose one of em. When he told me some certain things, i was like OH MY GOD!!!

Ah I have back my silly "be alone" syndrome. it means most probably I am not gonna see anyone a.k.a ANTI SOCIAL for a while to all friends, so no catch up with friends, no calls, no texts, etc etc etc. We’ll see … I have my laziness back! I dont know I am kinda lazy to go out, boring!!! But I havent decided when I am gonna do this be alone strike! Maybe sometime soon.

You wanna know what shiet happened today? That fcukin female … I felt like I wanted to slap her in tha face! Yknow what she did say to me? Since today … I would say to her FCUK OFF AND GET A LIFE!, so no mercy mate!

another amazing thing happened at the other day at 4AM (melb time)! Hahahahaha … You dont wanna know, I bet! It was a damn gossip for a day and it cracked me alot! Trust me, I win!! Booooo Hooooooooo youuuuuuu ….

Anyways, nothing is interesting. Because I decided to keep my life a lil bit more private than usual either for blogs or friends (unless you’re one of ma good mates)! Mwahahahhahaa… thats for 2007 and on on and on and on …

Jakarta, Wednesday 10 January 2007
To: that certain someone - you know who you are
From: me
Subject: Critical Condition of my Brain after the last Conversation we had!

Would I be wrong if I fell for him? Would I be wrong if I stepped ahead that fine line? Would I be wrong to keep him waiting? Would I be wrong to love him? Would I be wrong to like him more than that? Would I be wrong to fall in love again? Would I be wrong to let go everything and be just pure friends? Would I be wrong to forget about everything? Because I know … Because you know … that feeling … We both know about that feeling. You were the first person that I told about my certain problem that I had in the past. You were the one who picked me up when I was down. You were the one who saw me sad and made me smile again. You were the one who made me forget about the past. You were the first person that I remembered when I woke up and slept these days. Would I be able to survive without you? Would I be missing you that badly when you’re not around? “Turn away if you could get me a drink of water coz my lips are chapped and faded. Call my Aunt Marie, help her gather all my things and bury me in all my favorite colors. I will not kiss you coz the hardest part of this is leaving you. Counting down the days to go it just ain’t living and I just hope you know that if you say goodbye today. I’d ask you to be true coz the hardest part is leaving you”. So I hope this Friday we could make something to remember and memorable like you said. Thank you for being that person. Thank you if you really did like and or love me. Thank you for revealing that feeling to me.

PS: It’s so fcukin complicated!!!! I havent got my answer yet!! ah well …